Winter is Me

I watched snowflakes fly on Sunday with an ironic smile. On the heels of a lovely warm week, during which snow melt was significant and spirits were high, a dose of winter weather put us back at square one. No more trips to town without long underwear and forget about smelling the aroma of grilled steaks and burgers on our evening walk. Perhaps I should be sad, but I'm not. It is February, after all. On the first warm day, I put out of my mind thoughts of the universe realigning so that we could have a Floridian climate and instead enjoyed the unexpected bounty. Now that it's gone, I've picked up my knitting, snuggled into a fleece hoodie and made myself spiced coffee and scones for breakfast.

I love winter precisely because of its terrible weather. Nature's display of omnipotence never fails to impress me. It's scary sometimes to think that ultimate power resides in people, and we decide exactly how life plays out. Considering my personal mistakes in judgement, not to mention those of others, an occasional snowy reminder that we are not in control soothes me. And as we shift to a digital lifestyle where things are man-made, manufactured, mass-produced, I like the idea that a snow storm can unplug us and create space for wonder and amazement.

I tried to remember these philosophical musings as I scraped two layers off of my car Monday - the top one snow, the bottom one frozen rain. As I worked, the ache of my wimpy arm muscles was drowned out by the clinking of tree branches all around me, their hardened hoarfrost chipping and falling with each contact. I had to smile, amused that every time I get to the point of really hating winter, something stops me.

In the midst of this return to winter weather, I'm reminded of my unemployment. I've come to accept it, though at first, it seemed ridiculous to watch the Today show almost every morning, steaming coffee or tea in hand. Now I see it's sort of like having temperatures above freezing in February: It's a short warm streak, not a change in seasons. I'd better enjoy it while it lasts because just like Minnesota's weather, things will soon right themselves, and I'll barely have time to look back and remember how nice it was to have a break in the clouds.

Valentine Not-the-Sames

With my recent influx of free time, I had grand plans of learning to bake bread. My mind danced with visions of ciabatta, rustica, italian and french loaves lining my kitchen counters. But the bread cookbook I put on hold at the library never did turn up, and I sort of forgot about baking in favor of creating curtains and doing the laundry. Each time I think I'm really going sit down with a bread recipe and figure it out, I recall my past failures with yeast (many) and the temperature in the room (much too cool for raising breads), and I reach for an easier project.

"And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action."
~Hamlet, by Shakespeare

I comfort myself with the fact that this is most certainly a law of human nature, something everyone struggles with: the "First Step." You keep yourself from taking the first step because you're disinclined to entangle yourself in an endeavor that promises to be both lengthy and convoluted. But once the first step is taken, more often than not the remaining ones are much easier. It's like getting out of bed in the morning. Impossible, not going to happen, don't want to go to work, can't stand the thought of starting my car in this arctic cold, wishing the world would just carry on without me today. BUT, once I actually swing my feet out from under the covers and throw myself into the chilly onslaught of shower water, I find I'm actually pretty awake and kinda hungry for breakfast, I need the money from my job, it's not that cold with a hat and mittens, and we're off!

Of course, I have yet to finish reading my web design book, bake more than Betty's quick dinner rolls or sort through The Mess Room where all the boxes live that contain odds and ends with which no one wants to deal.

Before I can start any of those projects, I have to get ready for Valentine's Day! I haven't really celebrated this holiday since elementary school, where I would sort my class Valentines by which had candy and which were just notes (lame sauce). But this year the holiday represents a flurry of activity and excitment. It started with my first batch of chocolate chip cookies made in Jackson. I sent them to Nathan's work, and they were well received. However, he discouraged me from regularly producing baked goods for his coworkers on account of they were likely to get used to the idea and be disappointed when, for whatever reason, I decided to skip a week or four. Good point, dear.

But baking is the one thing I have left in my unemployed wheelhouse, so I needed an excuse to bake again. Bingo: Valentine's Day. Now I'm debating whether to go with chocolate or vanilla as my main flavor - weighing the benefit of a pretty pink frosting against the rich flavor of cocoa - rifling through recipes, assessing ingredients, getting my baking face on. This mission includes perusing the Valentine's display at Walmart (don't ask!) for suitable accessories to my baked goods. A shaker of red, pink and white sprinkles catches my eye; the perfect cliche to top whatever I end up creating. When I see the name on the bottle, I giggle. "Valentine Nonpareils." In French, "Valentine Not-the-Sames." Picturing the PDL engineers eating Valentine Not-the-Sames, I continue to giggle the rest of the way through the store.

For now, I'm in heaven. There's baking and card-making to be done, so many opportunities to create and share warm fuzzies and sweet surprises. I'm not sure what I'll do after the big day is over, but one thing's certain: This midwinter season would be not-the-same without the excitement Valentine's Day is bringing to Jackson!