Jackson

Last Thursday: I'm Sitting on a bench near a bend in the Des Moines River as a stranger strolls past on his morning route and says "Hello! How are you today?" Surprised by him breaking my bubble, I give my usual "Good!" But instead of the way I often gloss over whatever's nagging at me, I realized that I really meant "good."

I had a coffee in my hand and the river laid out before me, a silvery pipe cleaner twisted in curves. I've always loved water. It's such a mystery, its simple beauty belying a science project of atoms and elements. And I love the way it can stop my momentum, pulling me in to gaze at its fluid acrobatics. The way the Des Moines rolled, like a liquid slinky falling over itself into each crest and trough, hypnotized me.

Funny how this seated reverie seemed to be more than enough when I usually spend my days chasing after some proof of my own usefulness, whether that's money or praise or a stack of clean dishes. When I lie down in bed at night, my motionless state is at odds with the spinning in my head, plans of how I can finish all of my "to do" list, live up to everyone's expectations, make life make sense. But I won't, and I can't and it doesn't (all things you're never supposed to admit). And as I stared at the water and tried to think of nothing at all, I found myself okay with existing for a little bit outside of what I might do to be productive and perfect.

Though the water was fairly green, its movement scattered shots of sunlight, glittering like precious metal. I was delighted at how it could be so full of sediment and be at the same time so brilliant. Deciding to sit just one more minute before putting my feet back on the path, I decided I could live in Jackson this way, taking morning walks by the river with an occasional latte. At least in summer.

For now I'll continue to strive and fail and work and hold my breath for those moments when I can let myself sit still. Just the same, I enjoyed this stop on my journey, a chance to reflect on the abundant beauty in a morning spent so richly on nothing at all.